The following fantastic comment was posted on Round 5 of the Desert Island Keeper Hero Draft yesterday by none other than the Colin Ames-Beaumont.
(... And in case you live under a rock, Colin Ames-Beaumont is from the Guardians Series by Meljean Brook, and hero in Demon Moon. If you haven't already, you really need to read this series. Start at the beginning, you won't be disappointed... its smart, sassy, and sexy.)
To the lovely ladies who worship their DIKs,
I have, of course, a list of requirements that must be fulfilled before I reside in a hut.
(I will, at this time, forgo listing my objections to living in any building that can be described as a 'hut.' Good God. The list would be far too exhaustive, and an eternity not long enough to write it.)
1) All mirrors shall be removed from the premises. In any case, no one will be looking at themselves--anyone with sense will be looking at me.
2) One woman cannot supply all of the blood I require, and therefore I must be granted access to every hut.
3) If I am not provided the women I need, I will take your men. I will give them a shagging unlike any they've ever had, and for some time afterward they will be good for nothing, and very likely crawl after me, ignoring you and hoping for another tumble. At such times, they will be unavailable for mohito-making, cleaning, and various other activities that you have planned for them.
4) I prefer not to sunbathe. If you wish to see me in a bathing suit, it will have to be in the dark or indoors. If you wish to see me nude, you have only to ask -- but you must prepare yourself for the glory that awaits you, and either sit or lie on a bed first. It is so tedious to always be catching fainting women.
5) If I am traded, I prefer not to be in a hut with Hugh Castleford. It is inconceivable to me that he was chosen before me; I may very well kill him.
If, of course, he does not first lecture me to death.
6) I must have a closet, access to a shower, a toothbrush, and the Wilkes Bashford website. Upon request, I will critique the other heroes' appearances, but I will not purchase clothing for anyone but myself.
7) I will not kiss McCabe.
Posted by Anonymous to The happily ever after . . . at May 14, 2008 6:35 PM
Pssst! Meljean! You rock! ;)